Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My teammates waved and said "BYE POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, unlike what you may have joked about with your friends, I actually did meet people who told me to "take a hit or we'll beat the shit out of you." I got picked up by my mom 20 minutes later like planned. When my mom noticed I was high, she grounded me for the "rest of high school." FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
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Top comments
Seegtease 0
What an unreasonable and irrational father.
last_fml 0
Tell your Dad he's a fool and that you'll take a drug test to prove him wrong.. Hope it all works out, Pothead
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Comments (75)
sonofskam 0
Welp, sounds like a good time to start. Might as well be grounded for doing something.
TheOrpheus 0
i am so sorry. your friends need to learn wen to use nicknames and when not to.
hanamama 0
Hm... you're grounded, but you're able to get on the Internet to post things like this still? You're obviously young enough to still need Dad to come get you from practice. Surely you wouldn't be getting away with hanging out on FML if this really happened. Also, have you considered that parents might actually know what they're doing from time to time? Highly doubt he would "ground" you for alleged and unclear pot-use. Improve your creative writing skills.
Sanchezzz 0
I advise you to take your own tip, and go back to 7th grade english class.
curlyfry33 8
Well first of all dont just assume that the op isnt old enough to drive, you dont know the situation hes in, he could be 19 and living at home. And second off you talk like you dont know the event that the op got grounded for, which makes you look incredibly stupid because thats what the post is telling you.
ZING_MASTER 0
29 JUST ZINGED YOU!!! A MILLION LITTLE ZINGS!!!
That_Guy 4
i agree with #31
capslockisgood 19
Then just give him a thumbs up.
LameKara 0
#29 needs to chill the hell out. Is your hobby to critically analyze the probability of FMLs? They're FMLs specifically BECAUSE they're so outrageous and unusual. It's very likely that his parents ground him from going out, so he's stuck doing things in the house. That's how my parents used to do it. I could still use the computer, but I couldn't have human to human contact. And his father's reaction is EXTREMELY possible, I know, because my dad would have done the EXACT same thing (by the way, I empathize strongly with the OP on that note). Is it really necessary to sit here and decide which FMLs are true and which aren't...? Just enjoy the damn FML.
RockThatStuff 0
#16 and #21 FTW
Edmund_Dantes 0
By drug war logic, this means marijuana ruined your life.
sonofskam 0
pic of pot shape or gtfo?
somethingvague 0
hah. sucks about your head.