Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML
Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML
Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML
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Top comments
jkmartinjk 16
And here come the pot debates...
JocelynKaulitz 28
Hey, you can always rat him out after you go to the concert :)
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Comments (70)
elephantom12 9
Your mom needs to chill out. I don't smoke it but pot isn't Bad for you.
jkmartinjk 16
And here come the pot debates...
Dixbfloppin 11
inb4argument I have saved us all.
s0m3guy2010 21
^ I believe that my IQ just dropped about 10 points after reading that.
JocelynKaulitz 28
Hey, you can always rat him out after you go to the concert :)
muhrissaa 4
Right when I read this comment, I had a weird feeling there was gonna be a pot debate coming. Good call #5!
xlord 27
Considering his mum is screaming and cussing him out I doubt he can go to the concert either way
StayClassyLassy 6
I see what you did there #1...
Blackmail111 9
16- Clever girl.
blue_seduction 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is it wrong to say I love your dad ?
pcentral 17
2 - Is it wrong to say I love you?
dressedskeleton 10
Just bear with it- at least you'll still get to go to the concert ;)
blue_seduction 6
Not at all
morganrules123 10
Did anyone notice how similar 2 and 15 look in those poses?
zandalee 20
... Looks like they are starting a bro-mance on our little old FML... Bless
patrickalamo 48
You two should go on a date to chik fil a
zandalee 20
What the hell is chik fil a?
FMLshark 12
48: Google is your friend.
CheesecakeTaco 3
Bitch please... Just say what it is and save everyone some time. So yeah... What the hell is chik fil a? Sounds like a restaurant...
amazed_71 14
Chik Fil A is a restaurant. A fast food type with chicken as the only meat on the menu. It is very good.
CheesecakeTaco 3
Fil a??
zandalee 20
Looked it up. Thanks
drunkandfml 11
Your dad is awesome
StanSmith_fml 9
He needs it for his "Glaucoma".
Dixbfloppin 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So, you're 52-years-old and you're still living with your parents? Your mom is freaking out about finding drugs in your room, and you rely on your father to let you go to a concert? What the **** am I reading? I'll pick both YDI and FYL.
yoursucklives 36
what the ****? read the FML again please.
Alphakhiash 13
No... his dad "is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner", not "is blackmailing a 52-year-old stoner". Edit: apparently I'm not the first one to the punch, haha. Hi Alan!
drunkandfml 11
Read the FML before commenting
Dixbfloppin 11
HOLY SHIT, I am ******* stupid. I didn't read the a in between the "apparently" and the "blackmailing". Ignore my comment and leave my poor, brainless, sorry soul to die now.
HouseElf 13
Awe don't be so harsh on yourself 13. Everyone makes mistakes. I usually check again before commenting though ^_^
howrudoin 11
Thats why dixbfloppin is still in school (or so i hope) youngster still got room to grow lol
dressedskeleton 10
Hahaha what the **** WERE you reading? Don't worry though, It happens :)
trg568 7
his dad is 52 years old but yeah he should be old enough to go to the concert regardless
jazzy514 7
Sucks OP! But it's funny to read...
yoursucklives 36
and your mom let's you go to that concert after finding pot in your room?
zandalee 20
That's what I thought! Screwed either way really...
SanchoClaus25 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I sincerely admire your dad!
nvidioso 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
sounds like you have a kool dad.
boofgall 16
Cool,* sport.
commonlogicz42 6
Very interesting family. The kid doesn't smoke pot, but is unrightfully taking the fall for her blackmailing bud burning papa. And the mother is likely anti chron and completely unaware that her husband enjoys a good blaze. The father has no qualms about omitting certain vital information from his wife, and blackmailing his child. And the kids a moron for not taking this into account and pulling a full reversal on the papa.
b0ngs 7
I detect heavy stoner lingo and a big brain from you •_^
zandalee 20
Sounds like the average family...
commonlogicz42 6
With a name like b0ngs I'd say it's fair to assume your well versed in stoner lingo. Perhaps one day you'd like to swap terminology. And for all you "more righteous than thou" types, just because someone occasionally does a little self-cooking doesn't mean they're unintelligent.
paddy4169 5
Bongs-you have been on almost every FML post I've read, or maybe you just stick out more because well your name is bongs.
carminecris89 13
Your dad sounds like a complete loser. You should tell your mom the truth. A concert is not worth being punished for something you didn't do. Your dad is a terrible person for doing this to you. If you let him successfully get away with this he will do it again.
tywinn 1
But then again. A 52 year old shouldn't live with their parents!
paddy4169 5
Nope, that's why you should re-read the FML.