Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
CheeseTron 15
Don't listen to her. More pussy is always the answer.
nelds 12
Why not have both?
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Comments (65)
zingline89 18
Nothing wrong with owning a cat. I'll never understand how the second someone talks about getting a cat everyone's like "omg she can't get a boyfriend so she wants to get a cat she's guna end up being the crazy cat lady!" Please.
TheDrudgeChild 4
Thank you, every time a cat is involved in an FML every comment is "omg cat lady" or a juvenile pussy joke. I love cats, they have nothing to do with a sex life.
hipsterhunter 9
Agreed. As a matter of fact, my boyfriend loves my pet cats! He wants to take them to university with us.
onlychildFTW 34
The world needs crazy cat women. Who would we talk about at the end of the block without them?
FaraPjJammaz 13
Maybe you should have talked more about how you would take the responsibility of owning the cat rather than gushing over pictures. Pets are a big responsibility. Sounds like OPs just in it for the cuteness :(
MissLizWolf 8
That's bull farts, just because she tried convincing her roommate with cute pictures, doesn't mean that's the only reason she wants a cat! You came up with that opinion with just reading two sentences?
laden_swallow09 35
If it's the one and only reason OP used to try to convince her flatmate, then it's not far fetched to assume so.
mintcar 10
OP, you and I could be best buds. You sound just like me. -foreveralone- Oh, and I love cats.
IchimaruGin 5
Hey, I actually dream of living alone in a creaky house surrounded by millions of cats when I retire.
htownpostman 16
Why would you need a own is when you clearly want a pussy
htownpostman 16
Wtf.. Stupid autocorrect.. *why would you need a penis** is what I meant to say
spottyblanket 8
That made me laugh, though nothing wrong with liking animals. But OP were you too OTT ahaha!
hotshot2626 9
You know, your friend never said what opening... and frankly that sounds like a pain the ass. But on a side note; I love kittens!
lacespace 8
Well she was a bit off topic...but maybe she has a point, maybe you should dick around a bit with a pet store employee. Throw em a **** and have a Fall romance. Then you get a sweet discount on a cat and you and your roommate live happily onwards
urbanimpression 6
She sounds like she gets around