Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
CheeseTron 15
Don't listen to her. More pussy is always the answer.
nelds 12
Why not have both?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (65)
sporty1200xlr 6
I think she would prefer a pussy right about now....
ApologyKick 25
Cats are like potato chips, you can just have one
ApologyKick 25
Can*t
iwadasn 33
I don't really see how that's relevant. Is there some sort of correlation between not having sex and thinking kittens are cute?
RedPillSucks 33
Coincidence does not imply causality. OP thinks kittens are cute AND she needs to have some dick. Two independent thing joined simply by her flat mates sudden(?) realization.
drkate25 30
I used to really hate cats and my boyfriend has two brother cats that he adopted as kittens. Now after we've been living together and I've been dealing with them on a daily basis, I can say I don't really hate cats. I only kinda hate cats.
PYLrulz 17
Ask my girlfriend. She gets a penis inside her, yet she STILL goes crazy for kittens.
WearingHats 14
Must not be much of a penis.
PYLrulz 17
Yeah, maybe that's the case :-/
StanSmith2013 26
Someone is going to be a crazy cat lady when they grow up ;)
doctorhook86 25
Bear with me for a moment: Maybe the OP isn't lonely because she needs a penis... Maybe what the OP really needs is a pussy.
chellyX92 8
Some people just don't like animals no matter how cute they are.