Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML
Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML
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Top comments
_DudeGuy_ 16
Your roommates has a badass sense of humor.
RedPillSucks 33
You weren't able to "rise" up?
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Comments (103)
cheeseygeek 12
You should have just kept going to the beat of the song.
LookAttMyyLifee 12
Purrrrrr , meow
sayhey22 19
At least he didn't go all Mean Girls on you before you two even started. "Take her top off!"
timss4 19
There's no way you can get mad at that lol
fmlkolakas 4
I would have gone with Top Gun or Chariots of Fire theme.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Why wasn't this the best sex of your life again?
brackaman 18
Because OP failed to capitalize on an excellent opportunity.
gameover18 17
Risin' up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances Went the distance now I'm back on my feet Just a man and his will to survive So many times it happens too fast You trade your passion for glory Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past You must fight just to keep them alive It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight Risin' up to the challenge of our rival And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger Face to face, out in the heat Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry They stack the odds, still we take to the street For the kill with the skill to survive Read more: SURVIVOR - EYE OF THE TIGER LYRICS
buddy51 23
"Risin' up straight to the top Had the guts, got the glory Went the distance Now I'm not gonna stop Just a man and his will to survive" No wonder your GF was laughing, OP, before the song started!
grizzlybear666 3
that is actually awesome, your roommate is pure win
Kc1001 14
Your roommate is an asshole. you should put some slime on his mattress and tell him that's where you put out.