Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML
Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML
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Top comments
_DudeGuy_ 16
Your roommates has a badass sense of humor.
RedPillSucks 33
You weren't able to "rise" up?
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Comments (103)
PaigeLeeAnn11 23
I wish my roommate was as cool as yours.
feelingold 18
he was just trying to help you bring it home with some motivational tunes.
ShakeDisPlace 10
Hopefully your planning retaliation on your room mate OP.
T552 12
I've done that before. I blared "Lonely Island - I Just Had Sex" for them instead though haha :P
rivaraven 35
I love your roommate. This is just awesome.
ManInTheMachine 20
Sounds like your roommate was watching you both with his eyeeeeeeeee! (the eye of the tiger!). But in all seriousness, either he's either just a fun guy or he's a peeping Tom that likes to see/hear people ****. Probably the former, although you should choose your girlfriends place for "happy time" in the future.
imtooshy 18
At least he didn't sing that song "don't want no short dick man"
Cristian89 29
Lol!
MissA7X 11
It's the thrill of the fight. ...of having a roommate who's okay with you probably wanting to kick his ass.
lane123 5
The fact that you didn't finish sucks. But look on the bright side, your girlfriend has a sense of humor!
violette_tiger 7
Aaaaw! That sucks poor you! Thats 1 nasty roommate !! Sorry about any spelling.... ( i am french)
Angelrose2004 17
You spell better than most of the people from my hometown, and they are all English! J/s
violette_tiger 7
Thanks number 42 :)