Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML
Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML
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Top comments
_DudeGuy_ 16
Your roommates has a badass sense of humor.
RedPillSucks 33
You weren't able to "rise" up?
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Comments (103)
mr_jack_meoff 5
Couldn't finish, WTH, I would have put some cotton in my ears and got that nut. I'm selfish that way.
thisgurl1 4
ahahahaha! Omgness I want to hi-five your friend, that is freakin hilarious.
AngelApocalypse 12
I've had something similar happen. When I was with my ex we had music playing while we had sex... The cd got stuck on "Sweet Home Alabama" which played 4 or 5 times. I now cannot stand that song almost as much as I can't stand my ex
STUPIDCAT13 5
Is your girlfriend a Supernatural fan? Because hearing that song will kill any Supernaturalists. :D
hugsntugs 1
Why is she your girlfriend if you haven't had sex with her yet?
Thorzix 23
Because relationships aren't all about sex...
KatStyles 10
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WOULD'VE DONE THE SAME! xD xD
kuma32792 2
Do everything in your power to keep that woman, she has an excellent sense of humor.
TheImaginarySong 16
I honestly would probably do something stupid yet hilarious like that.
SSJ2_Gohan_ 4
Are you going to rise up to the challenge of your rival?
JohnnyPoo 3
best roommate ever