Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML
Today, knowing my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me with a local girl, I decided to make a surprise visit to confront him by showing up to his home. Both of them answered the door. My boyfriend claimed to not know me, and threatened to call the cops. I ended up back at the airport in tears. FML
Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. When I explained the situation to the "other guy", he exclaimed that I was lying because I was jealous and trying to ruin his relationship. He punched me in the face. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment for the first time, only to see another girl walking out. I accused her of cheating with him and we got into a fight. Turns out I was at the wrong apartment. He lives next door. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DeeJayD 0
I think you should take him to court for assault. That'd show him.
breaksprinter_ 0
You should take that guy to court, especially if that is your house, and not your girlfriend's. And I hope you broke up with her from that because if she obviously can't keep it in her pants while you're not around, she is not worth having.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
lifeislife_fml 0
#14: Way to be rude over next to nothing/a normal mistake.
lesb_lv 0
If it officially was yours and yours only apartment, then call the police and report them both for breaking in your apartment and the guy for the assault :D
Deviant_fml 5
so'd you **** him up?
captainkeyes 0
#28 I bet you cheat on your bf and use that excuse. If you're cheating on someone who you think is boring, you shouldn't even be together in the first place.
whattheeff 0
LMAO # 49. seriously though, dump the girl, sue the asshole and move on. #44= WIN.
DizzyDemon0 9
you DAMN better have punched him back...
musicloverr 0
haha that sucks..
susanavieira 0
3 month business trip? And you never called her while you were away? What about rent arrangements for what you say it was the apartment you lived in? That's a fake and you know it. A classic, though, just needed more work on it.
maiden_girl 5
This is sad but I'm laughing. I'm so sorry. This sucks. You should press charges against him.
eppie 0
kick his ass then kick hers out