Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, for the third time in less than a week, my dumbass roommate has a bunch of friends over. None of them are wearing masks and I don't feel comfortable leaving my room. I'm fucking starving and can't go to the kitchen to get food. The idiot is a fucking nursing major. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML
Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
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Top comments
Pentium_4 27
ahhh of course. i'll bet their goal is to do it in every room in the house, so eventually they're going to do it in your bed while you're gone!
yahoowizard 16
Order pizza, get the camera ready, then wait for the delivery guy to get there. And then profit.
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Comments (157)
KeyboardWarrior 10
Can you not understand that nobody cares?People can be relentless on this side of the interwebz. I was making a joke out of it, but even if I wasn't, there isn't much you could've said to make me take it back.
SaMmIMonster96 6
129- Not a problem, I stand for what I believe in... 130- I could tell you were kidding, my comment wasn't about you. And I know what this site is, but I care. People shouldn't be harassed over a joke..
Ray_of_midnight 23
Go down there and start a running commentary like you're calling the play-by-play at a sports event. When they finish hold up a placard with a number on it between 1 and 10 like you're judging an Olympic event. Be the East German judge, have it be something really low. (Which leads me to wonder how many people on this site are actually old enough to remember when there was an East Germany.)
Lilgothangel 0
Get an airhorn! Blast it before entering the room. Ans use earplugs when you do. Dont want busted eardrum fml's
mikepattonfan 0
Just push them aside and eat your vegetables
FMyDave 0
personally I would've made dinner and passed gas walking past them. you would have accomplished two things. eating and ******* up a relationship because they argue about who farted. Ahhhh that smell of victory :D
Kylee1609 0
I would have gone down anyway... Standard.
cylus13 9
Sounds like to me you should go down and get you food. If they won't stay in there room then it means they want to be watched. And it's your place too.
misvenus000 4
Get a squirt gun! Hose them off then get your meal. Next time you have a significant other over be sure to return the favor.
ninjacapo 2
Lol id go down Open the fridge, grab what i need, and walk out completly ignoring them