Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, for the third time in less than a week, my dumbass roommate has a bunch of friends over. None of them are wearing masks and I don't feel comfortable leaving my room. I'm fucking starving and can't go to the kitchen to get food. The idiot is a fucking nursing major. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML
Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
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Top comments
Pentium_4 27
ahhh of course. i'll bet their goal is to do it in every room in the house, so eventually they're going to do it in your bed while you're gone!
yahoowizard 16
Order pizza, get the camera ready, then wait for the delivery guy to get there. And then profit.
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Comments (157)
ragingdepression 4
honestly who cares if they are ******* like rabbits go in the kitchen and make yourself some dinner. Walk out out of the kitchen like a boss and go eat in the living room. Your needs come first
drawmyhearton_fml 3
I'd still go get my damn food then bring it back in my room. No, I would have pushed them off violentely "bitch it's my turn to use the table now" Your roomates are really impolite Ô_o you can have sex in the kitchen but not if there is currently someone else in the house who might have to use it!
bmccull1 3
dinner and a movie! haha
jamaicanbunny 0
Unless your two roommates are your parents, why would this stop you from making dinner? Are they really going at it that long, anyway?
aigroeg 0
throw water on them like they do when dogs root
NAAMxLOOS 11
Unless they explicitely told you not to, just walk in there. They should have thought of that earlier!
dj8798 9
just have dinner and enjoy the show. or join em. ;-)
dj8798 9
of course the kitchen is for intercourse!
1zacster 0
Threesome?
DQEight 8
Don't **** on my damn table!!