Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, for the third time in less than a week, my dumbass roommate has a bunch of friends over. None of them are wearing masks and I don't feel comfortable leaving my room. I'm fucking starving and can't go to the kitchen to get food. The idiot is a fucking nursing major. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML
Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
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Top comments
Pentium_4 27
ahhh of course. i'll bet their goal is to do it in every room in the house, so eventually they're going to do it in your bed while you're gone!
yahoowizard 16
Order pizza, get the camera ready, then wait for the delivery guy to get there. And then profit.
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Comments (157)
choshaki 8
Move out? Asap Make sure you grab your crackers too
Justy101 23
That's just slightly on the dramatic side of things..
Jaxx66 21
Why move? It's just sex. If they want it to be public I say OP just go make food and take it back to their room.
MonsterSlayer13 5
well I would go down there anyways, then climb over them to get some food. no one can stop me from getting ma food! even if they are doing it in there.
ProhibitionRose 14
I would've just gone down there anyway. It's a public room in your house, so it's not like they were having sex in their room and you just walked in. Maybe the awkwardness of you making dinner while they went at it would force them to their bedroom...
mattorama 15
Seriously. Getting laid doesn't mean you can lay claim to common areas.
br0ccoli 15
Good logic
Pelreskovich 11
You need to make it awkward and go down there and pour a bowl of cereal and stand at the counter watching while taking slow, large spoonfuls, while crunching excessively loud.
xxGhost_Wolfxx 2
Bravo, bravo!
Justy101 23
And occasionally give feedback on what they could do better.
Pelreskovich 11
Genius? I wouldn't go quite that far.. ;) I wish scenarios like this happened in my life, I'd love to make them feel weird. And I agree every now and then tell them to put some back into it or offer them some cereal, she'll be able to feel him go limp. Muahahah.
countrychick26 0
bahahahaha XD trolol
CharlieS0ul 0
That would be the funniest thing ever I gotta try that someday to piss off a friend or two
LightningCactus 12
Bro, that's just ******* weird.
DontForgetMe4 0
Go to the kitchen and eat a banana slowly, while staring at them and giggling strangely. They'll stop.
Silverfoxx92 0
Spray them with the hose
Azail 15
Your comment is full of win. Brilliant idea.
wychwood 1
Walk into the kitchen and start talking to them as if nothing is out of place. Tell the guy that the girl looks bored
VinylScratch 17
I think it's two girls.
pervy_ninja 3
I say go get food. If they're willing to make it awkward by screwing on the table you sat on then you should make it awkward for them and make a sandwich.
Branflakes78 13
Wtf is wrong with you!! you probably like that you crepper