Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML
Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
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Top comments
Obito_Rocks 6
Yikes, awkward for sure, but I can't help but ask... Was she bragging or griping?
Darkness_Hate 29
Was it the "sex talk" or her personl anecdote?
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Comments (50)
cheeeksss 29
I am squirming in my seat just reading this. FYL, OP. I'd run away. Far, far away.
Cass_x 22
Some parents just don't know what to tell their kids, and what to keep private. My parents are the exact same way :/ fyl
Fern_Gully 20
I'd love to know how this unsavory conversation even came up.
weveallbeenthere 30
now I'm wondering, 6 minutes bent over the kitchen table? or 15 minutes in the back seat of the car. we need a follow up.
cakefete2 31
It was 10 minutes in the back of the car. 2 minutes to get through the garage door. Then they finished "cooking" in the kitchen. 9 months later, they popped their little bun out of the oven.
Zenechai 2
So. Much. Brilliance!
brandoneyez1 25
I would have responded with " oh yeah, I think my first time was 15 minutes too" let the awkwardness set in and they will get the point.. And then u can tell them ur kidding, or are u. Let them think about that all day.
gintwinsmoore 20
sounds good.
brandoneyez1 25
Might I just ask, who looks at a clock before sex? Really? You time yourself like its a sport?
lukian_fml 29
If there's a clock anywhere near your bed you might happen to glance it before. Plus you know roughly what time it is anyway, so when you look after (which you do, because one generally can't stay in bed all day) - you know whether it's three minutes, 45 minutes or two hours later.
martin8337 36
Freaky deaky.
Ki11erC 18
And I was thinking the giving birth process. Great visual imagery for my first FML of the day.
thetitanium 3
Hey, do you discuss stuff like that with parents?
FieldLeftBlank 20
No, but sometimes they discuss it with you.
jessaureli 8
My mom told me how long it took her to have me. She said 7 years and it made me happy to know that I was very much wanted.