Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear: "Do you give head?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML
Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML
Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML
Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML
Today, my crush from high school finally agreed to go out with me. While on the seemingly good date, she offered me a discount to her OnlyFans page. FML
Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML
Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML
Today, my friend, on whom I have a crush since I can remember, read the most beautiful poem to me, which he'd written himself. After reading it, he said that it was for a girl he likes, and asked me if it was good. FML
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Top comments
iop330 22
That's when you say yes and headbutt him.
Wolfparable 22
Yeesh. Sorry that happened to you. I hope you decided he's not worth your time.
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Comments (155)
tepovre 18
Some guys take a while to break in, don't think about it too much, OP
MzZombicidal 36
Can you elaborate, #1? I'm honestly not sure what you mean.
EverestMelting 23
Like when someone asks for head, they really mean to give them head until they open up to you. Actually, that's a lie. Dome is dome is dome is dome is dome.
MzZombicidal 36
Still so confused... Lol!
badluckalex 23
I'm a guy and I dont even know what the hell they're saying...
Regimental_Phan 18
my first thoughts to that were....UH WHAT?!
TheNotoriousHGC 15
I think he is saying it can take a while for guys to "get trained."
Shamandalie89 32
This reminds me of that banned Master Card commercial...
sisco2901 20
This guy apparently didn't bother investing im the wine ans sweet talk, though.
Obito_Rocks 6
Classy. Sorry you had to hear that, a lot of guys only have one thing on their mind's, and it's not always Spongebob :)
jojimugo 20
Common misconception about guys...we have at least 2 things in our mind
horneyhic 15
I have 3 things on my mind
ichdprodigy 12
I can sometimes get to 4 things on my mind. Pretty rare, though.
SirMichael 13
@77 bone, skin, hair and sex?
Epikatz 22
Bone? You're into some dark shit buddy....
JustinJK 21
I have other things on my mind besides sex. Like food. But that's about it, sex and food
Brandi_Faith 34
From what I understand about men it's sex, food, sleep, & sometimes (depending on the guy) gaming.
iop330 22
That's when you say yes and headbutt him.
SpartanMerc 18
Or not because that would be assault. You could, however, just get out of his car and not talk to him ever again...
badgercheese94 16
#61, humour isn't your strongest quality, is it?
MortenM 17
#4, on behalf of all guys I'd like to express our appreciation that you're trying to convince girls to headbutt us. Thanks. And ouch.
onlychildFTW 34
The head but would probably hurt her more then him. Head buts hurt both parties and generally speaking guys have a higher pain tolerance. Though not always.
xtramoist 6
Is a headbutt basically anal?
Wolfparable 22
Yeesh. Sorry that happened to you. I hope you decided he's not worth your time.
drayloon 50
Well, do you?
Darkness_Hate 29
No I give butt,headbutt!
Vitotaylor36 13
Go to your room and think about what you've done.
Exodiafinder687 58
What's the difference between a girl who loves oral and a clumsy circumcision? The girl GIVES head.
FemskyD 26
Sociable of him.. To ask
mxgirl1998 26
isn't he romantic?