Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were riding in the back seat of his mom’s car and she kept talking at him non-stop. He responded only in grunts. When at some point I informed her that her son had been asleep for several minutes, she just kept on talking to him anyway. FML
Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML
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Top comments
21jason 9
Get any good tips?
mollysticks 10
I wouldn't be able to look at her the same way ever again...
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Comments (96)
florencesummer 0
Four way anyone?
KiddNYC1O 22
No way!
Drizzelhell 3
Well she could be discussing this with you for the fact that your partner is unhappy. Because they some how mothers always know. Just saying. But yes i agree your life sucks but i feel your pain
yourmofo 6
You see I get kinda dry down there so your father in law dips it in Country Crock and crams it in, after it takes him 10 minutes to get himself going. Then he finishes in my arm pit.
lovelyspyder 7
That was unnecessarily vulgar...
Awsumuzzie 12
Maybe she thinks her son is sexually pleased THE SAME EXACT WAY due to heredity.
mrsmathers17531 5
An iPod and some headphones would have came in handy.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Listening to music while riding a car with somebody who wants to talk to you is very rude. No matter what they're talking about...
Drizzelhell 3
BS with that if someone is talking about something you don't want to hear or talk about and u ask politely to stop then they crushed the barriers of being utterly rude so headphones and music doesn't hurt.
tnt227 4
Apparently it was better when 7 made the suggestion
lovelyspyder 7
Oh, grow a pair, it could have been a great opportunity for bonding, and u squandered it. Bravo.
Drizzelhell 3
Sounds like the wring kind of bonding to me.
yabbadabbadooyah 12
" Why do people always say grow a pair? What they should say is grow a ******, those things can take a pounding" -Betty White
Pandacupcakelove 26
That's traumatic... I'm sorry. Let's hope you will move on someday and have a somewhat normal life.
KiddNYC1O 22
We're so cool with our Draw Something pics.
Pandacupcakelove 26
60- totally! Man, I can not believe "petleaf" wasn't right! :(
OfficeNinja 5
Should have casually said "he likes me to wear a 12 inch strap on and plow him in the ass". That would have ended the conversation.
Drizzelhell 3
Car comes to a hault and oh dearest mother-in-law replies " Your father-in-law loves that." Life itself just got worse.
stormchaser24 24
Mother in laws are crazy. Or most are. Learn anything new?
Trisha_aus 15
Oh you weren't kidding Noor, I was thinking the same...now I feel icky