Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were riding in the back seat of his mom’s car and she kept talking at him non-stop. He responded only in grunts. When at some point I informed her that her son had been asleep for several minutes, she just kept on talking to him anyway. FML
Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML
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Top comments
21jason 9
Get any good tips?
mollysticks 10
I wouldn't be able to look at her the same way ever again...
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Comments (96)
ellieOphant 4
Maybe you should have changed the subject? Shoes? Clothes?
OhDearBetrayal 25
"...but the real thing that turns me on is when he forc-" "So have you bought any good shoes?" "Goodness, I didn't know you were into sex toys! Maybe you and me could trade and sort of experience the same things. It could be like a book group except its only us two and we're reviewing sexy toys;D"
waterpistol 4
at least it won't be an awkward car ride!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Uh, I'm pretty sure this situation counts as awkward!
hellaflushfa5 6
**** you look tough with that black eye. I wish I had that picture that says "watch out, we got a badass over here" right now.
guitarbeast 22
At least it wasn't your mom saying that…
KiRaKaT 9
I think having your mother-in-law talk about that is way more awkward!
guitarbeast 22
Well if she's talking about her husband, most likely it would be most likely your dad, so I think it would still be pretty awkward
the_true_batman 10
What the hell are you talking about guitarbeast?
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
69 your step mother marries your dad. You marry your mother in law's son/daughter.
ShyAnn29 15
I think 69 meant it would be kind of like talking about her own dad, since her father in law is family.
ShyAnn29 15
I meant to put father-in-law
guitarbeast 22
I was saying that at least it wasnt her mom, because if that were the case, and she was going into detail about what her sex life with her husband was, she would most likely be talking about op's dad, which would not be pleasant Sorry for the confusion
The_Tool1 13
You should have talked to her about it. You guys could have exchanged tips.
HITide76808 0
You should listen to her, there may be some things that may make it more exciting for you and your husband while you are in bed.
Drizzelhell 3
Thats what karma sutra was made for.
shawnaishere 14
So are you telling your husband or keeping the detailed information to yourself?
dee7822 3
I vote share.
janerose21 3
love your profile picture btw, Big Bang rocks !!
DarkHelmet 10
Did you at least get any good tips?? You got to make the best out of a bad situation OP
GirlOnFire143 6
That conversation probably created images that you won't ever be able to flush out, OP.
tony1891 22
as soon as she started talking about their sex life I would have become unbelievably ill with something. sorry momma and law. I gotta drop you here and go home.
mickyb10 13
That sux op change the subject?