Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said, "I know." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, thinking maybe she could spare 5 minutes of her time and requires no work at all, I asked my wife for a handjob. She said no and told me I can “do it yourself.” FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML
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Top comments
_Heisenberg__ 15
you kinda set yourself up for that one
xwingtwo 15
Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.
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Comments (138)
blackonblight 33
She doesn't have time to do it properly and has no interest in being a fucktoy just so you can get your rocks off with no enjoyment for her, am I getting this right? Your foreplay game suck or something?
Badkarma4u 17
Just tell her youre getting laid tonight, by whom is up to her. If she wants to use sex as a weapon, its time for her to learn the facts of life. Every girl born has a ******, she does not have the market cornered.
Jinxsie 27
You're the one that's turning sex into a weapon. Just because every girl has a ******, doesn't mean she has to use it.
Badkarma4u 17
She doesn't have to do anything, but someone else will want to.
squideth 18
It's great that you see women as disposable vaginas, but most other people are actually decent and would prefer to talk through relationship issues.
mishwarner 14
Sounds like you need to work on your moves as well as your stamina. Even if you finish early there are other ways to satisfy your wife. Good luck
AshleyBiersack 5
What did you think would happen??
zachery44 5
Dump that bitch she's trying to control you. Both people should want the sex and like or want it and never talk down on eachother like that
CaitiieBuggs 23
I don't know, but your use of "for once" makes it kind of sound like you generally have sex with your wife, but this time the two of you were just on seperate pages. If sex really is a problem in your relationship: talk to your wife, consider going to see a sex therapist, go to sex shops together, experiment with different things, add lots more foreplay, maybe even try to schedule sex. Just do not cheat! Good luck to both of you.
limabeans101029 21
I interpreted the "begging my wife for sex for once" as them barely ever having sex. As in, the sex would be "for once", not the begging
CaitiieBuggs 23
I can see that too. When I first read it I interpreted that he's used to her saying yes everytime he asks, and this time she didn't say yes so he resorted to begging. Either way, if they're having issues OP and his wife definitely need to have a conversation and try to find some sort of resolution.
Miss_Scarlet 9
Do what millions of men have done, grow a pair. Testicles will allow you to gain the upper hand in your relationship, or give you the confidence to have an affair. Or if you can't do either, see a hooker. We'll judge you behind your back, but it'll be the best hour of your life.
Jinxsie 27
But it'll ruin him for life. You play "the other woman" in relationships, don't you?
Merylwen 24
Basically "Lose all respect for yourself and your wife and go cheat on her."... Great advice, very moral. -_-
autisticpudding 11
I don't think you should have to beg your own wife for sex. Just remind her that it's a hungry dog that turns over the trash.
HeWillBeLoved105 22
That's pretty pathetic that you have to beg your wife for sex.
Amandallynn 9
shyyyit...my honny takes hours....I can't keep up & he's 25 years older than me!