Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, I realised I've become the background stoner character of any college movie, as I sat alone on my dorm's bed, wearing flannel over a Pac-Man shirt, and smoking weed out of a skull-shaped bong. Sorry, mom. FML
Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML
Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ByronJess 17
Weed and cat shit smell nothing alike.
emilyy5924 0
#60 You smoke weed, you don't use a needle..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (252)
epic13 12
Kids, Drugs are bad, mkay.
skrillz69 0
You know how this could have been avoided?? Huh? ..don't do drugs Einstein -_-
bbgirlXD 6
YDI ...Okay ,you wanted to know how it feels and stuff but really in your own house??and by your own?? it's just stupid!! You could've hurt yourself or burn your house down! Now that you've tried it , try avoiding
lizard399 0
If English is your first language.. just slap yourself in the face.. twice please. And if it isn't then slap yourself anyways cause your reasoning is retarded.
iltraeitw 5
Moron. You totally deserve it.
PennyLane27 32
"Drugs are bad, mmmkay?" Dumbass. ( = you.)
aliciab394 5
Could be worse. You could have been caught by the cops. Or you could have been soooo stoned that you sentence didn't make sense. Or you could have even shoved the joint in you dads face and asked him to join you. Lol
ActionManly 11
"Son, I am absolutely disappointed that you decided to smoke weed..." "Dad, I'm sorry, it's just tha-" "...without me." 10 minutes later: "Son, where did mom put that turkey roast again?"
Purple_Octopus 4
That's what you get. But it sure was the "cool" thing to do huh? Drugs are a waste.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
How old are you? Is this how DARE taught you to think? I'm sorry, but as far as I know, kids don't threaten other kids into smoking weed. Urban legend. Usually if someone says 'no, I don't want any' they move on. It's smoking a plant that makes you chill, not sneaking into an abandoned factory full of radioactive waste. No one's going to dub you a pussy if you refuse.
bdathorne 6
Yeah wow... don't get stoned at home: parents there or not.
snowboarder1019 5
Ydi if you did it in the house idiot , keep it outside the house then most parents don't care
LDBrann93 0
Marijuana is not a drug. It is grown and is therefore an herb. Rules of smoking: 1. Smoke with friends 2. When caught via smell, fess up 3. Don't smoke inside without smoking cigs afterwards
Shadow_Phantom 26
*throws dictionary* "drug 1 [druhg] .... c. any article, other than food, intended to affect the structure or any function of the body of humans or other animals. ... 3. a habit-forming medicinal or illicit substance, especially a narcotic." Marijuana fits both of those. You were saying?