Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
Today, I bought a huge 1kg bag of catnip and told the delivery driver to just leave the package inside the door. They then left me a soft plastic bag full of catnip. Guess who came home to two stoned cats and a messed up house… FML
Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML
Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML
Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Catnip is just the start! It's a gateway herb for cats. Next thing you know, he'll be sneaking out at 2AM to score some blow from the cat down the street. That's when he starts knocking over garbage cans looking for his next score. Before you know it he's lost in a swirling maelstrom of despair and soggy cat treats. Cut him off now before its too late!
blcksocks 19
Tell them your kitten is hooked on weed.
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Comments (72)
tarkalover 21
Parents should've tried it just to be sure
itsame0987 18
All they have to do is smell it to know it's not marijuana. Of course I have heard you can smoke catnip and get a buzz, but who knows.
blaackandprouud 20
Oh, I found what may or may not be drugs; better try it to see what it is.
blcksocks 19
Tell them your kitten is hooked on weed.
octopussperm125 18
Huh? How can u be "hooked" on it, its not actually addicting, it depends on your personality if ur an addictive person or not, JK at least 20% of all the people on FML are problably burning as theyre reading this stuff including me lol
djdailey 6
That cat is hooked on meth, you know why? Because catnip is a gateway drug
rawr_ily96 24
#67 I highly doubt even 1% of FML users care. It's a JOKE!
daisy2101 7
Isn't catnip like marijuana for cats? Idk I think I've seen some crazy video
anthonydude 9
You're just thinking of Shrek 2.
romzfml 9
yes it is
Codezlol 21
No no. Catnip is like cocaine for cats.
UsernameHere234 13
Interesting fact actually. Some cats get a very similar high from strawberries as catnip. That's because both plants are closely related.
pradip 26
Every day I read at least one story relating to cats on FML.
silbot 11
Welcome to the Internet.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Cat stories > Pedophiles
TourettesGuyFTW 26
^Sorry :/
botanistjessica 24
Moderated comments are like the big bang theory. No one really knows what happened but everyone has a guess. Makes me sad from non disclosure D:
pradip 26
#30 don't be, We all get moderated sometime, I took what you said in a funny way.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
My apology was 50% genuine; 25% tongue & 25% cheek. :p
LaLince 40
Your parents aren't the brightest.. Take advantage from that in future.
mikuxxhatsune 32
Or maybe they have never seen marijuana before and have never owned a pet cat. I own a bird and I have no idea what catnip looks like. I have a foggy idea of what marijuana is so basically if a drug dealer sold me catnip I would probably accidently smoke it...
spaboolly 26
They couldn't tell from the smell? Catnip has a pretty distinctive scent even to humans. Kind of a shame that they immediately thought their daughter was doing drugs.
sarah6786 14
Catnip smells like tea.
evilplatypus 39
22 - Some people make it into tea.
rawr_ily96 24
I gotta try making catnip tea for my grandma's cats.
lize96 7
I wonder if that would work...
chocolateisyum 12
That's why you buy a spray bottle of catnip. There's no confusion for your delusional parents. But wouldn't marijuana and catnip smell quite different?
momogal 22
Unfortunately, that stuff doesn't always work. I got some for my cats (who go bonkers for the dried form). They hate it and won't go near anything that I've sprayed with it. The dried stuff makes a mess and looks like pot, but generally works better.
DocBastard 40
Catnip is just the start! It's a gateway herb for cats. Next thing you know, he'll be sneaking out at 2AM to score some blow from the cat down the street. That's when he starts knocking over garbage cans looking for his next score. Before you know it he's lost in a swirling maelstrom of despair and soggy cat treats. Cut him off now before its too late!
BlowinChronic 18
23- Consider it done.
DocBastard 40
Damn...my autocorrect usually changes "its" to "it's" automatically.
sens3sfailing 25
he is useful considering you felt the need to correct one of the most literat people on the site who actually used "it's" correctly towards the begining of the post. you are just looking for attention...
yoursucklives 36
catnip is a hell of a drug