Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
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Top comments
Gixie 25
Shakin your butt butt probably isn't going to help with your BO.
Omfgitsmia 15
Almost sounds like my mom these days. Maybe shower at a friends?
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Comments (150)
Fmlsea 28
your parents are going abit overboard . I would tell them how you feel ,and if they dont listen to you then make them smell you .im pretty sure they will want you to have a shower then.
purple_glitter 10
That's just weird. There are so many better ways to save money than smelling like a homeless person. FYL OP
EdenCrystal 21
I agree. Maybe OP can introduce new, easier ways to save money to his parents. Hopefully they will come to their senses.
perdix 31
I'm guessing toilet flushes are out of the question?
Welshite 40
The OP has been sneaking water from the bowl and using it to wash himself. That's why he had to use the public bathrooms. His parents didn't trust him with his water usage.
Dinoporeon 9
I have a feeling they are going by the, "if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down" philosophy. :/
Izabushel 65
If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down.
Izabushel 65
Aww crap, 53 was writing the same thing at the same time. Please flush my previous comment.
Dinoporeon 9
Are you sure you don't want to just let it mellow?
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
#55 Actually #53 wrote it 7 minutes before you did not at the same time but nice try though! ;)
AndyClara 39
55 would have opened the comment field at the same time 53 was writing their comment, so they were both writing comments within the same time frame. 55 would not have known what had been submitted in the time they were writing their comment. Why would someone just repeat what was written above them?
Izabushel 65
When I opened the comment field, 53 had not submitted their comment yet, so we were writing them at the same time. I am paranoid about spelling, sentience structure etc, so I take my time before hitting submit. Which is why it took me several minutes. My mistake was not checking to see if something similar had been written at the same time. I could have changed or deleted my observation in the 120 sec edit time. Edit: blast, the same thing just happened again, my comment timing is way off today.
Izabushel 65
*sentence. Thats it, never commenting on my phone again.
Sports_guy3 28
#94, That's how I always comment. Just takes a little while.
eksyneet 23
#6, as a psychology major i must say that this is one of the most annoying sayings ever.
wellthen7154 12
The gym membership is a good idea, but it sounds like OP is still living at home and may not be able to go to the gym as frequent as they need to. I would try to talk your parents into letting you shower a bit more, or just heavily spray fragrances on you... Sorry OP.
alycion 39
Or take the money that would be used for the membership and offer it towards the bill so the shower is available when needed.
persianninja 23
What 17? A little insanity adds flavor to life
Brianna_Ray 23
Yikes! Feel bad for you OP!
pussymonster_xx 8
Well, OP, me thinks your parents have gone off the deep end, eh?
Soloman212 28
Being insane is by definition not normal. You can't be a "normal amount of insane."
Welshite 40
#10: I think one can be classified insane when s/he read words that weren't actually used.