Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
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Top comments
Gixie 25
Shakin your butt butt probably isn't going to help with your BO.
Omfgitsmia 15
Almost sounds like my mom these days. Maybe shower at a friends?
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Comments (150)
Scynistr 20
Baracade yourself in the bathroom whenever you want to shower..
conqueror57 11
Let's NOT "just say." It's a stupid verbal tic that is not part of a well-told story. It's the new "needless to say." If you don't need to say it, don't.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
This is an FML, not a dissertation. Get the stick out of your ass.
casste 6
How about you help pay for the bills?
creepyclowntown 10
bet they still got their cable TV though.Honestly, water is the cheapest of the bills.They prob could save other ways nut don't want to lose some of their luxuries
1947Chevy 17
And everybody wonders how I afford water my truck is not pay for it and use well water it pays for itself perhaps you're family should look into that
Cirrus13 4
That stinks.
numberswoman 14
Are your parents unemployed? Sorry about not being able to bathe!
Pesticides 19
I find it hilarious when someone adds a tag along sentence like "get burned" to their own comment.
metheonlyb 17
How will shakin your butt butt help you anyway?
Epikouros 32
Well, if he puts a picture of his butt butt on the m4m section of craigslist, he might find a friendly gentleman who will let him shower at his place.
jtea 10
What do your parents do about the electricity bill...?
NicetiesofLife 11
i was wondering about that too... you need electricity to pump water from a well etc. into a storage tank and then as well as that there's heating, cooling, cooking......almost everything...