Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML
Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML
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Top comments
AGhost5445 25
He should have beat the shit out of you.
Shrike 24
Pretty sure you already did, OP.
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Comments (142)
klovely22 13
Well, that was lame of you. Next time, mind your own business.
KiddNYC1O 22
How is he a pussy, though?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
The friend walked away from the situation, and OP yelled that because the friend was "pussying out".
KiddNYC1O 22
Ohh.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Bros before hoes!
Llama_Face89 34
HAHA that's awesome! Don't feel bad OP, the friend had it coming! I absolutely DESPISE people who betray others that they're supposed to be friends with like that. It's happened to me. I would be on the floor laughing if I'd been in your position.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
So much ******* win. But your an asshole for it, OP. An epic asshole.
SkoomaKi 28
An epic asshole that got away with it. I think karma is his biggest worry now. Maybe a brick will fall on his toes....
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
42- Or concrete.... God that would hurt
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Oooh, crakerjacks! *nom*
niall92 6
why would anybody beat anther person up for that?
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
You go call some guy a pussy. Hey you know, he might just say "You're totally right" and give you a cookie.
niall92 6
if youre gonna go beat someone up for that youve got some serious anger issues man.
AlexaWuzHere 31
I don't understand why he would get so angry about his friend sleeping with his sister. It's not like he controls his sister, and why would he confront him in such a public place? I don't blame you OP, that guy was asking for bystanders to yell things at him.
perdix 31
The sister could be underaged, or wicked retarded. Those could be some valid excuses for beating up your buddy who ****** her.
klovely22 13
44- if you knew how one of your guy friends treated the girls he dates, would you want him dating/sleeping with your sister?
Mearemoi 14
And there's always over-protective brothers.
jem970 19
It is disresepctful to sleep with your friends sibling. It's always been seen that way. If a guy friend of my slept with my sister I would beat the shit out of him. It's just how it is.
Bluekaren16 19
Well the guy did sleep with his sister so maybe he did kind of deserved it. I mean what if his sister was a minor?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
YDI for getting involved. It was none of your business to begin with, so you should feel bad. What I'm wondering is how the guy didn't recognize his own "friend's" voice...
klovely22 13
The fact that someone called him a "pussy" just set him off.
laden_swallow09 35
"…with his sister. It was pretty hilarious-" YDI.