Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad tried to confiscate my car keys because he doesn’t like how late I stay out on the weekends. I’m 26, have owned my own home since I was 24, and also how the fuck does he know what time I get home? My own dad is stalking me. FML
Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML
Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML
Today, on my way to see my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he wouldn't have to drive me there anymore. FML
Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML
Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML
Today, my dad threatened to hit me if I didn't tell him what I had in my homework. He thinks I won't keep secrets from him this way. There's a reason I kept secrets in the first place. FML
Today, I had to chase after my dad through a closing garage door to stop him from driving off fuming and doing something stupid. He recently got betrayed at work and called my mom's friend her boyfriend. I'm 27, living at home, don't want kids, no girlfriend, few, if any, good friends, likely unemployable because of resume gaps and bipolar. FML
Today, my dad described our security cameras recording a stranger stealing money from his car, and then called me unhealthy and paranoid for locking my car all the time. My car is usually parked right next to his. FML
Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML
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Top comments
Rei_Ayanami 18
Maybe you should pay more attention to and spend more time with your father. He may feel neglected. Or you could make him a tinfoil hat...
jaronapn13 1
Prove him wrong.
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Comments (42)
gracehi 33
I don't see anything funny about this. It seems like your father is suffering from paranoid delusions. You should really try to get him some help before things get really out of hand...not that they haven't already.
Kiki242 19
You should seriously pretend you do have a double life just to mess with him.
FlamingTacos 7
You never know who's the next Miley Cyrus.
pwiincezz246 2
Prove him wrong and ask him if he trusts you.
BBFreak97 6
LOL!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Tell him you're living in a parallel universe as well. The one where he's sane.
DracoSpirita 21
Meet up with some friend he doesn't know and go home with them. Then, when you get home and he confronts you, tell him you don't know what he's talking about. ;)
Dracoboxer357 36
23- So your advice is to feed his delusions, not ignore nor cure them? :) Interesting.....
random365 0
You shouldn't have to prove anything. Your dad is going a little to far here.
BunBunBabe 8
I'd go find a family with a sense of humor and ask them to be your fake second family for a week to trick your dad
supportcommand 17
You should visit the most bizarre places around your town, sex shops, gay theatres and such. He'll never follow you again.