Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, I was woken up at 11:30 am by my mother standing over my bed, screaming at me. I'm 30 years-old, married, and do not live with her. She broke into my house because I didn't answer my phone, because I'm sick and on prescription sleep meds. WTF? FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I came home at 1 am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML
Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
mogan_fml 0
dang. i wish i had a big, strapping young man like you around my house.
trevorus 0
You're one of them manly men, aren't you? Hehe...
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Comments (116)
anon931 0
hahahahaha :) this made my day.
fireandblood 0
You could also have written "I'm a 21 year old guy and don't know that 'disorientated' is not a word." The adjective form is "disoriented."
twilighter_644 0
omg hhaahah this was the only FML that made me lol in a while once i read it, i started cracking up =D, the "screamed and dove under the covers" part rly gets me
kellster 2
It's disoriented, dear. And that's hilarious!
nammz 0
i would so do this in fact, i have done this. haha
innit 0
Firstly, for everyone that says its 'disoriented', 'disorientated' is in the UK English dictionary. FYL for commenting on a FML story about it's grammar. And where in this FML say he lives at home? He might just be visiting. This made me laugh :) I'd do the same, don't worry! Haha.
DizzyyDaiss 0
#59 i totally agree. FYL for commenting on grammar haha! great story, haven't found one that made me laugh this hard in ages!!
foolsangel 4
That kind of thing happened to me once when I had a bad fever and was disoriented. I woke up in the middle of the night to see a giant black mass move in front of the TV and screamed my head off, thinking someone had broken in and was coming for me.
tiltwrestler 0
...Michelle Obama?
Spiffy 0
That's not that bad. Could happen to anyone, really.