Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, I was woken up at 11:30 am by my mother standing over my bed, screaming at me. I'm 30 years-old, married, and do not live with her. She broke into my house because I didn't answer my phone, because I'm sick and on prescription sleep meds. WTF? FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I came home at 1 am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML
Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
mogan_fml 0
dang. i wish i had a big, strapping young man like you around my house.
trevorus 0
You're one of them manly men, aren't you? Hehe...
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Comments (116)
Ja_Ja_Jess 0
lol what a guy you are kinda cute tho lol
omgitsseejay 0
at least you got rid of your morning wood quickly :)
LinneaHall 0
Disoriented?
ihavenofml 0
Haha, when the power went off at my apt. due to a thunderstorm, the fire alarm my a lound beeping sound. My boyfriend who is 25 screamed and pulled the covers over his head
Violet_X 3
smexy. xD
AmericansAreDumb 0
I signed up just to point out something to all you English major wannabes. 'Disorient' and 'Disorientate' are both transitive verbs. 'Disorient' was coined in the 1600s (I think), and 'Disorientate' in the early 1700s. They both have the same meanings, just that the first one is used by lazy people.
hypnOtiszed 0
FKN ROLMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAO. nice.
mollytamale 1
He could be at a nearby college and live there because he doesn't have enough money to buy a place of his own.. And haha wow good job OP
in2deep96 5
dear god...
idk_what_2_put 0
maybe his college is close?idk if not LOSER