Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML
Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML
Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML
Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Railroader 16
Just waiting for all those crappy puns to appear
khaoticpanda 28
Have fun cleaning that up!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (52)
khaoticpanda 28
Have fun cleaning that up!
Garrett2818 21
Op's name suggest they are having none of that.
TheNewGuy03 29
Well, it's either that, or just bear the "pleasant" smell of baby poop for eternity.
Railroader 16
Just waiting for all those crappy puns to appear
mohamed_H 21
That's a shitty situation mwahahahaa bring on the down votes :(
TrickyDeath 14
I bet it'll be a real shitstorm of them.
cheeeksss 29
I'm just picturing shit being spun everywhere and my germaphobe-self is cringing.
TheNewGuy03 29
Nothing like a whirling shit-maelstrom to brighten up one's day
junjunbun 28
Ah shit, poor you, having to clean that mess up. Good luck OP, and may the shitgods be ever on your side in the future.
SebastianCT 14
Teach her "when the mother makes the little shit clean the shit" because she is the shit.
Sandsh8rk 36
OP is male, and assuming the kid is very young, it would be wrong to make her clean it up - hell, she probably didn't know what she did was wrong until after she did it.
jacky051 12
You didn't know what that meant?
teapotrevolt 27
Quite this literally, no.
jake131000 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ew. She actually shit on a fan? Or just explained what it meant?
ragnarok1540 39
Obviously she just explained it literally ... Why would it be an FML if she actually threw shit on the fan? Seriously, what parent doesn't hope for the joy of having to clean up a mess like that? I know I do.
jake131000 21
I really wish comments could be deleted!
AHzulu 25
I wouldn't worry about it.
JuicyJJ 9
At least now u know!
ThePaperDragon 31
Ahh, the joys of parenting.
andrmac 25
Depending how old glove her up and hand her the sponge and disinfectant.