Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML
Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML
Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML
Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML
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Top comments
Railroader 16
Just waiting for all those crappy puns to appear
khaoticpanda 28
Have fun cleaning that up!
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Comments (52)
conman531 23
Holy shit, dude I guess the shit really hit the fan on that one that's some flying horse shit right there That's some nasty shit you have on your hands you're just talking shit? That's complete and utter bullshit that shit has got to piss you off It's like she didn't even give a shit Are you going to take that shit? Did she pick up after her shit? What the shit?
Sandsh8rk 36
Nice one, tryhard.
nominaski 25
We get it. You like puns, but there's also a limit of how many puns you can use. At least there should be.
Geckosrock99 33
I get that you were trying to be VERY punny, but it sounded more like a kid who learned a new word.
conman531 23
Alright, I tried and failed. It was either going to go really well or really bad. And it went really bad. I sincerely apologize
mthurston 14
Hell, he got em all outta the way!
SashaTaras 26
Shitacopter!
citrusglass 22
Well, I guess next time someone uses that expression, you can just say, "this? This is nothing. Clearly you've never actually dealt with this shit like I have."
GAeroNKissR 26
I'm really curious how she achieved this. Was she standing next to it with explosive diarrhea? or push it through the surrounding cage? or maybe chuck her poopy diaper to the ceiling fan? oh man - I feel sorry for you. Hopefully clean up wasn't too difficult!
Brandi_Faith 34
A follow up is definitely needed. I want to know how this happened!
ragnarok1540 39
If she is old enough, it might be time to start teaching her to clean up after herself ...
elizacandle 29
thanks for reminding me to take my birth control
Garrett2818 21
Lmao you made my day 19
Dale_shackleford 13
She doesn't happen to be an airplane fan, by any chance, does she?
GarfieldDaCat 5
this is too funny for words omg hahahahahaha lol
FalloutScrolls 25
I always preferred "defecation hits the oscillation."
KVKdragon 26
Do I really want to know the context of a situation like this?