Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
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Top comments
bethan1 4
For some reason I read this as "I found a pregnant sister" it was way cooler that way.
Lounia_fml 8
At 18 :P
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Comments (200)
bethan1 4
For some reason I read this as "I found a pregnant sister" it was way cooler that way.
bootoyou 0
LOL!
nathan5 0
now that would be an fml!
zikittyzakitty 0
LMAO
zikittyzakitty 0
LMAO
zikittyzakitty 0
oops, sorry about the double post.
LexSwift 17
LOL. 15, you win. The FML is 6537 times funnier when OP is looking for a pregnant sister and steps on her. Haha. Thanks for the laugh.
Colt14 0
:)
habeeboburky94 0
I don't mean to be a grammar Nazi, but I think the first sentence is incorrect. Shouldn't it be: I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders...etc?
KiddNYC1O 22
It's correct either way, IMO.
nizzy09 3
well good job on noticing the grammar mistake and not the general knowledge mistake!!!
EulessMeangirls 0
Dude, lighten up! youre not in effing skool. damn
azzaj 0
I love how people don't know the difference between tenses anymore.
AnnaGrrr 0
Hear, hear.
karmaslave 5
This.
juwood 7
hahaha I agree...last I checked spiders weren't mammals
ttyler333 7
that's kinda cool
vansgirl327 0
damn that sucks if I were u I wouldve been freaking out
Rynk95 11
Spiders can't be pregnant, they lay eggs.
hahaalolz 0
if they lay eggs then they are still preggos to begin with. *facepalm*
Karma495 0
To think about spiders lay eggs then the babies cral onto there backs....
faithfulangel 0
maybe she meant pregnant cuz many spiders actually carry their egg sack.
faithfulangel 0
actually though they can't be pregnant, many of them carry their eggsack with them.
AnnaGrrr 0
You *lay* eggs, they aren't carried in the stomach. Only before they are fertilized, and that won't give you babies when stepping on them.. *facepalm*
babelini 12
:S
bootoyou 0
u're hot
babelini 12
thanks.
metallicatime 0
doubt that's an actual picture of her. google does wonders
SadinSherman 16
So does Photoshop
Crimsonhead 0
Wouldn't you also have stepped on the baby spiders, thus squashing them, along with the mother?
Karma495 0
true true but maybe he stepped on the back part of her body where the spider webs came out from. so they all ran
DcommaChloe 3
I call bullshit.
olivh 0
habee, you just broke godwins law. tjis thread is over.