Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
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Top comments
bethan1 4
For some reason I read this as "I found a pregnant sister" it was way cooler that way.
Lounia_fml 8
At 18 :P
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Comments (200)
savanna44 0
dude kill them before they grow up into adult spiders.
vikki80 0
Dumbass, you step on the mom you step on them all, killing them at least make up something possible
lilybugie 0
how did you knoww it was pregnet??
robc32ca 4
oh wait maybe it was a Jersey Shore spider. they're bad a$$.
Tovlu 0
When I was out collecting birch bark for a canoe, I seen this round red spider with a body that was sort of clear. So i crushed it with a knife. And a bunch of little spiders came crawling out but they were clear white. i was kinda shocked, because I always thought that spiders laid eggs.
snapperhead 0
you have the only mammal arachnid.
Miss_Represented 0
spiders don't get preggo, they lay eggs ass hat
AprilxBegins 0
Dolphins are mammals.
sexkitten129 3
um don't spiders lay eggs? besides if you stepped on the pregnant spider and squished her, wouldn't you have automatically squished the babies?
JOJOsaidso 0
Strange seeing as spiders lay eggs.....Not too well thought, eh?