Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
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Top comments
Lobby_Bee 18
Pour yourself another glass, you'll need it soon.
manb91uk 22
They can’t complain... You just squeezed their grandchild out of your ******. They owe you at least 18 months of gratitude
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Comments (8)
Lobby_Bee 18
Pour yourself another glass, you'll need it soon.
exileonmainst 16
Well the couch was just lying there, it was too tempting not to spill red wine all over it.
exileonmainst 16
Also I never understood the verse ”Red, red wine. Spilled on my in laws couch.” until now.
manb91uk 22
They can’t complain... You just squeezed their grandchild out of your ******. They owe you at least 18 months of gratitude
worldclassrager 41
Was the wine okay?