Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML
Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML
Today, I decided to play hooky to go buy new toys from the sex store to spice things up for my girlfriend and me. Well, things got awkward when my boss was also playing hooky and in the same sex store after I'd told him I was out for a funeral. FML
Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML
Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML
Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
Today, I was working by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated, I started to moan and say dirty things… Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML
Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Oh no! Now your neighbour knows you have a healthy sex life! Whatever will you do? How will you ever live it down? The only solution is to have loud, raucous sex all the time so he knows your purchase was successful.
n3rdzgotskillz 29
Hey, you only BOUGHT something from a sex shop. They WORK there. I think you're pretty even!
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Comments (198)
Lucifer22_fml 1
Did you get a discount???? :)
skip_m 6
So, what you're saying is in that instance your neighbor made a living off of your sex life.
Czech_Zidane 14
Yes, but I, as an atheist, do not care about what religious people think. It is their own life and I do not pry in it and I expect them to do the same for me. You know. A religious person has the right to explain why I should believe in "our Lord" and what to expect if I would NOT believe - going in the hell and so on. But I have the right to tell the person "thank you for your advice, but I do not believe in this stuff and I wil live my life as I wish." And the only thing the religious person could do in the moment is thinking "Do as you wish, you will see your horrible mistake when you will see our Lord after your death" and this is it.
Czech_Zidane 14
As I say: The religion is like the penis. It is OK that you have it. It is OK that you are proud of it. But do not wave it in public and do not laugh at people who do not have it. And DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT SHOVE IT INTO MY CHILDREN'S THROATS!!!
AussieChild 22
What on earth does this post have to do with religion?? And FYI, just because someone has "religion" doesn't make them those crazed loons you see on tv or on the streets. I'm a Christian, and I am not like that in the slightest! I go about my business and my life and will happily talk about my faith if someone brings it up first. But I have also found, that it seems to be my non-Christian friends who always bring stuff up and want to start arguments, and will be the ones saying insulting remarks. I don't bring those things up, I respect everyone's decision, but I personally find it's very rarely any of the Christians I know causing scenes or arguments.
missamberrose 17
I can be public with my religion as much as I want. That doesn't mean I try to convert people, because that's whats disrespectful. Also, what does this have to do with the FML?
RedPillSucks 33
Zidane, while I love your imagery, you're the only one injecting religion, or lack thereof, into the conversation.
Czech_Zidane 14
I was replying to post #51.
gmc_blossom 21
80- Then next time, reply to them.
SoylentCandycorn 10
The one nice thing you can say about Fifty Shades of Grey is that it has made this sort of thing a bit less shameful. After all, the average housewife can get away with reading badly written smut on the subway without having to hide it behind the dustcover of a more deserving NYTimes bestseller.
Shenannigoats 16
It should never have been shameful in the first place.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Well that goes without saying.
Eedeea 7
The only reason you should be embarrassed is if you look at your window and he's watching you try out your purchases. Then again that's spice too for some.
yentlben 2
I think your secret is completely safe! There's no way he's talking!
littlehollycocks 0
Maybe you would have guessed that, if you took more of an interest in those around you.
neurodoc 1
Wtf? Married couples have sex? What planet are you on?
notepie 6
Going to a sex store is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have sex, we all need it! And having your neighbor as the cashier should not really be embarrassing.