Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said, "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
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Top comments
csigabajnok 0
Don't tell me good sex doesn't help terrible days to pass more quickly... ;)
Rayn4u_fml 0
#3 Very good point. How dare she complain when some people post about their sexless lives on this very website!
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Comments (131)
CAITx4OH1xCORE 0
haha. #124. yeah. i agree with that. XD
DanielleCannibal 0
he's awesome.
anthem_fml 0
that's totally obnoxious but at the same time totally endearing. i hope you weren't in too bad a mood to appreciate the humor in that.
MackenzieB 0
I love your boyfriend xD
grace0922 0
Whoa, if he was serious, then he's an ass...If he was kidding, he's still insensitive...
onlyonthe13th 0
My boyfriend does the same thing. I tell him I just want to cuddle and he always seems to think that is an invite for sex. It's annoying :|
BlackWolfCries 1
omg what a jerk!
ambulence 0
im sorry but this made me laugh sooooo hard. but ive actually been asked that before, which is why its so funny.
HuDanny 0
Ahaha the guy is a hero LOLZ
ggen 0
ha! least he asked you before he did it without your okay.