Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said, "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
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Top comments
csigabajnok 0
Don't tell me good sex doesn't help terrible days to pass more quickly... ;)
Rayn4u_fml 0
#3 Very good point. How dare she complain when some people post about their sexless lives on this very website!
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Comments (131)
lamarr 0
LMAO your boyfriend is hilarious
meow_meow_fml 0
yeah wow that reminds me of my bf, actually is my bf you bf?
nobody81 4
I'm stealing that line
virgin4life 0
**** YOU i am gona shit a brick if one more person submits an FML about actually getting ass. if you want to brag about how much sex you're having do it elsewhere.
sillypun 0
this is pretty damn funny.... your boy has a great sense of humor. if you are all pissed off and worked up after a bad day, just light a blunt or have a drink... get your boyfriend to rub you down, non-sexually for the first 5-10 minutes till you can finally relax, then get that dick inside you, girl, and watch your troubles disappear. this guy cracks me up. he is a winner.
writeoutloud 0
Story of my LIFE
writeoutloud 0
Oh and to all of the negative comments, lighten up...she was obviously too upset to ****. Sex is great, but sometimes you just don't want it.
whiskylover 0
Hahah that is way to ******* funny! I need to use that the next time my gf wants to cuddle. That is PURE ******* AWESOMENESS!
fb_fml 0
I think it's insensitive *and* I'm not "not getting any." My boyfriend has basically said this to me before, and it was funny because I wasn't upset at the time. But if the girl is genuinely having a bad day/crying/etc, it's not a good time for that kind of humor (I guess that depends on the person, or the severity of the situation). She's not an "uptight bitch" for not being able to take a joke when she's sad. Sometimes physical pleasure/intimacy is just not the solution to a bad day.
Jimmy_fml 0
LOLOLOL WOW WEE I bet your bf is loads of fun. you should be grateful to be in the presence of such a genius