Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said, "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
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Top comments
csigabajnok 0
Don't tell me good sex doesn't help terrible days to pass more quickly... ;)
Rayn4u_fml 0
#3 Very good point. How dare she complain when some people post about their sexless lives on this very website!
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Comments (131)
arms_akimbo 0
#19 needs to lighten up a bit.
alishaleesha 1
That's my kinda man, haha.
skeez_fml 0
maybe he was just trying to cheer you up by making you laugh? at least he didn't say "with my dick in your mouth" or something along those lines...
ZING_MASTER 0
Ding dong ZING!
Chickmechanic69 0
hahhha nice..... thats something my boyfriend would say.... he'd be hlf serious and half kidding.
know_your_role 0
that's something i would say.
KatieWagnerFab 0
Now come on...after what, 20-40 minutes of sex you would feel better
holynemesis1208 3
always thinking with the wrong head. haha.
AliSama 17
tell him, "if you can keep it up for more then 30 seconds unlike last time"
katieatieay 0
you're boyfriend is too funny for you.
genius_man16 1
that's what I'm thinking all these people with tree trunks up their asses, jesus, learn to take a joke I agree that he might have been semi-serious, but that doesn't mean he would be against just cuddling.