Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was at their house I got a tummy ache, then had loud explosive diarrhea. Twice. They definitely heard it all. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp came up from my throat, and not only that. A small chunk of mucus flew out and landed on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML
Today, I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and his parents. It was my first time meeting them, so I was a bit nervous. As we were talking, I accidentally let out a loud burp. His parents looked at me in shock, and my boyfriend just laughed and said, "Well, she's certainly comfortable around you two." FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
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Top comments
Exhaling 12
Febreeze man, it saves you.
hashshim 23
Cardinal rule of dating: never take a dump at their house the first time you're there.
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Comments (98)
cwaziemamma 16
I feel for you OP
rocker_chick23 27
#20: Why should a woman have to hold it in? If I have to poop, I am not going to hold it in.
tbro47 23
To be honest women aren't the only ones that hold it in. I'm not saying I'd destroy my stomach just to avoid a little embarrassment, but I do try everything to not take a dump when I'm on a date and or at a girls house. Why? I'm not a big fan of smelling up other peoples houses for one. And also because if the smell is bad enough it is a turnoff for both parties. It's not being sexist. It's true that a lot of guys don't give a shit, excuse the pun, about when or where they do their business. I've always been a little more reserved and either go before a date or hold it in unless absolutely necessary.
Adam5858 17
This is one of those FMLs that you laugh out loud at.No matter where you are
octinate 17
Bad first impression
katttt21 20
That's why you poop before leaving your house.
Chaith 16
If you can't plan around it, my retrospect advice is to just chill for another 5-10 minutes after your dump, after cracking the window. If it's a kill zone for longer than that, tough luck.
Metagame 12
You cracked the window open. Dive out! Quickly!
Reality_bites 14
And this is one of the reasons why I always carry a small spray deodorant in my bag around with me.
Mauskau 36
"I want to do a poo at Paul's house."