Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML
Today, some woman ran up, hugged me from behind, and called me another dude's name. When she saw my face, she apologised for getting the wrong person, and ran off. Perfectly innocent, right? Nope. My wife is forcing me to sleep in another room until I admit I’m having an affair. FML
Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML
Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML
Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML
Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML
Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
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Top comments
cacheson 42
One week huh? Not too late for an annulment…
sirrubberduckie 37
Do you really want to be married to someone like that anyway?
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Comments (12)
cacheson 42
One week huh? Not too late for an annulment…
sirrubberduckie 37
Do you really want to be married to someone like that anyway?
Hangryko 32
Divorce. Meanwhile, call the police to get back in your home.
Anderling 33
Run like the wind. If this is how she is once she thinks she’s got you trapped it can only get worse.
oldbroad1956 4
Agreed, she just showed you what a bullet you were missing.
poopface82 25
My ex-wife was like that. I was engaged to her and a woman prank-called my phone and pretended to be my girlfriend. Annoying enough if I answered it - really bad when she did. Then my cousin called back and admitted it was a prank, and she STILL didn’t accept it at first. Should have followed the advice I’m about to give - end that relationship.
RichardPencil 32
Just calmly explain to your wife that you got a huge discount on the house price because you gave it to Elizabeth so good. It was just a business transaction, that's all.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Not only is she showing a massive amount of toxicity, she's not bright enough to understand that people lived in the house before she did. Run.
Amanda Marie Nehez 13
If you've cheated before, her reaction makes a lot more sense. Or if you lied.
spinningrecords 14
Dump her ass. Surely she can check out your story without this massive overreaction. It will only get worse.
Brightside86 31
If your wife immediately jumps to that conclusion she's probably the one cheating or just looking for an out.