Today, some woman ran up, hugged me from behind, and called me another dude's name. When she saw my face, she apologised for getting the wrong person, and ran off. Perfectly innocent, right? Nope. My wife is forcing me to sleep in another room until I admit I’m having an affair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife was sitting next to me surrounded by friends and she decided to start looking up the man that she had an affair on Facebook on her phone - all while I am sitting right next to her. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML
Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML
Today, after convincing my now ex-girlfriend that I wasn’t cheating on her with a girl from work the other day, I accidentally called her by her name. They both start with “M”. Hello, single life. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
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Top comments
Lost Reggie 22
This is how/why I ended my last engagement. A woman complimented my Halloween costume at karaoke, and apparently thanking her and having a 30-second conversation was too much.
sirrubberduckie 37
Personally, I would never let anyone tell me I couldn't sleep in my own bed in my own house, especially if I hadn't done anything wrong. She can sleep somewhere else if she wants to be silly, but I'm not playing that dumb game.
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Comments (4)
sirrubberduckie 37
Personally, I would never let anyone tell me I couldn't sleep in my own bed in my own house, especially if I hadn't done anything wrong. She can sleep somewhere else if she wants to be silly, but I'm not playing that dumb game.
Lost Reggie 22
This is how/why I ended my last engagement. A woman complimented my Halloween costume at karaoke, and apparently thanking her and having a 30-second conversation was too much.
FluffythePink 23
Time to really think about how your relationship has been. I bet this is no where near the first red flag. Do you seriously want to spend the rest of your life having to suffer and pander to her behaviour? Do you? Really? If so then maybe Google: Masochist.
Charlie Given 28
Your wife is either a misogynist or she's projecting?