Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I came home after a long day at work to find the furniture in my living room had been rearranged by my mother-in-law. When asked how she got in, she told us she stole my husband's key and made herself a copy. She can now come here whenever she wants, unless I change the locks. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, my brother-in-law's wife sent me a text venting about her argument with our mother-in-law. She also said said some nasty things about her and I mistakenly shared this info with my “trusted” husband, who immediately told his hot-tempered-momma's girl-IDGAF attitude older sister, who now plans on beating her ass. This is bad. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML
Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML
Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML
Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML
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Top comments
MidnaLink 35
Would she not have met at least a good chunk of your family members by now, including a cousin or two?
WhataStrangeTripThisIs 24
Hell, I'd say if you weren't considering a divorce already, she might be doing you a favor! I wouldn't want to come home to that kind of crazy no matter how hot she is or *what* she does in bed (because there has to be some reason you married her, and it ain't her sweet lovin' nature)
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Comments (8)
AzraelAngelus 15
If you have a prenup I’d recommend a divorce
MidnaLink 35
Would she not have met at least a good chunk of your family members by now, including a cousin or two?
wysegirl 24
not always. my husband has met less than 20 of my family members.
WhataStrangeTripThisIs 24
Hell, I'd say if you weren't considering a divorce already, she might be doing you a favor! I wouldn't want to come home to that kind of crazy no matter how hot she is or *what* she does in bed (because there has to be some reason you married her, and it ain't her sweet lovin' nature)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Run.
RichardPencil 32
So, is your cousin hot?
Bogrbon 27
That’s called an illegal evocation. Call the police, a divorce attorney and a locksmith.
sirrubberduckie 37
You should probably call a priest or something if she's illegally summoning a spirit, right?
electraliv 13
Glad (not rlly) to know this happens to others. Just finished moving back into my room… FYL
JBChristian 47
Turns out the home wrecker is a Trojan. Honestly though, more often than not when a partner accuses you of cheating or petty crap like this, they’re cheating and projecting their guilt on you. Watch for red flags man.