Today, a man on the train asked me if I had any change. I quickly responded with, "No habla ingles." He then tapped me on the shoulder and said, "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML
Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML
Today, a gorgeous woman on a train told her friend she thought I was hot in Spanish, assuming I was a dumb gringo tourist. In fact, I speak Spanish fluently, my wife is Colombian, and she was standing right next to me. My wife can’t rationalize my street value, and made me sleep on the fold out. FML
Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML
Today, a man slapped me in the face with his newspaper because I didn't get out of his way fast enough at the train station. I guess he didn't notice I was on crutches. FML
Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML
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Top comments
wesayxsummer 0
it would also be more believable if you used correct grammar.
cady18 0
would've also been more believable if you spoke correct spanish.
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Comments (199)
jayhawk63 0
#30, it would be no hable ingles if it was a command. Also to everybody complaining about the people complaining about grammar he used; it is important, especially if he wants it to be believable that he no habla ingles. To the OP, you can tell him no in english and not come off as an asshole, especially if you're so concerned about hurting his feelings.
pdoom 0
Screw that guy, it's not your responsibility to have change for him.
abcdefg22_fml 0
actually #66 you obviously know very very basic spanish because "habla" would be the informal command... not to be one of the 43902423 people who've corrected the grammar but correcting someone incorrectly who actually corrected correctly just makes you look like a douchebag :)
redheadedbeauty 0
This made me LOL.
mdphs 0
bahahahaha awesome
bipoler_m3ment0 0
Ah, you've been caught! ...Or have you? A fun way to respond in order to either attempt to preserve your lie or further infuriate the antagonizer (or both!) is to respond, "¿Que?" Or, in your case, maybe "Che?"
ZomgPiinkiie 0
People like you need to stop using spanish as a way to get out of every little thing. If you don't want to deal with the way things are in America, then GET OUT
Sammara 0
I know this has been commented, but it really is far more believable if you spoke Spanish correctly. Chances are, someone around you will know and screw you over WAY more than that guy. Next time, just say no.
DanInRealLife 0
i assume you dont know spanish but if u did if wouldve been more believeable to babble onh for a whike like responding to his comment about the paper by saying "yo puedo leer el periodico en ingles, pero yo no hablo la lengua.
woeisme 0
wow....you're really lame. very successful flop at least :)