Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
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Top comments
Dick_diamond 22
Was he trying to give directions to himself? Afraid he might skip a step?
RobinGoodfellow 47
While I think it's a good idea to not force sex to be a serious thing, I also think that that's weird and not remotely sexy.
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Comments (91)
RockDrRoll 9
Repeat the opposite back in a high voice or harmony. Life is boring, just have fun with it!
slothlover63 12
Time for you to "exit, exit"
aylind 18
I would've been like, "say that one more time and you will exit and never enter again"
Jazzy793 16
And, yet he couldn't even get his timing right.
vigoss_fml 4
it's time to buy a *****...
SauceySarah 30
I don't understand why he thought that would be a good idea.
phaelnb 26
I'm guessing he did that to prevent himself from cuming too fast. No one wants premature ejaculation on the bed =D
PNiggZ 19
Guess it's time to exit that relationship
iAlissa 34
#24, it's most people's way of dealing with a totally fixable situation in relationships these days. Which is saddening
dakatabg 31
He was entertaining himself
buckdharma 38
He read the book, Sex for Dummies. Chapter II- Oral: Lick, repeat.
R2Dee2 10
Maybe he forgot what he was suppose to be doing??