Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML
Today, after my at-the-time partner got in a car wreck with minimal injuries, I drove two hours and got a week off classes to take care of them on hand and foot, they are currently my platonic roommate and I nearly broke my foot… and they keep acting annoyed when I ask for something because I can't walk. FML
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML
Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
Today, I saw someone get out of a car without putting it in park. I sprinted over and jumped in, trying to stop the car before it went down an incline. I didn't make it. I now have a dozen broken bones, need surgery, and was just informed I'm being held responsible for the wreck, since I was in it last. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
LarryLaDouche 13
Dump him. Come at me OP!
mackdeezy 22
Lol at your username OP. Youve anticipated a common response from the FML community. Well done.
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Comments (76)
Catkam623 27
Could be worse he could have crashed the car too
wheresthebeef69 4
Just because he wants to have fun doesn't mean u should b made at him. Go suck itself u stupid American.
lowshadows 21
ha! someone spam "dump him" on this FML.
fortunelady 17
Love the username... Although it seems to have been only partially effective, there are still a few break-up suggestions in here that seem to be serious. Glad OP isn't considering anything drastic!
Ray_of_midnight 23
Were the words "Hold my beer, mate" involved?
someguy314159265 15
Will you inherit all his money when he finally kills himself?
Obey_StudBoii 23
Dump him!! Come on OP!
janro72 10
lets hope stupidity doesn't run through the family. whether your dad was drunk or not
thefuckinloser 6
Now did you marry a man or a teenager? Well you matried him he is all yours
DanielleinDC 34
What the hell were he and his friends thinking?! And maybe they should help take care of him since they're the ones who at a minimum didn't stop him and at a maximum encouraged him to try for a Darwin Award (by the way, you should send your story there as well). I won't suggest you dump him because childish stupidity is not a dumping offense, but I will urge you not to breed with this idiot.