Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom after my 9 year-old nephew. Apparently nobody taught him to lift the seat when he pees, or how to aim properly, because when I sat down, I sat in his pee. FML
Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "…and she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML
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Top comments
MarioDragon 14
Just put toilet paper on the seat and take a shower when you get home
deviable 9
It's not like I don't understand why people don't want to use public toilets, but wouldn't it be easier to bring some toilet seat covers? Squatters often cause the most mess.
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Comments (116)
Raptor46 4
Serves you right germaphobe, just sit down do your business and leave. No germs unless you're planning on rubbing your hands all over the seat and in your face.
Nhk_fml 4
@183 that cracked me up
allknowingbrony 5
Kids really do say the darnedest things...
lamc0885 0
K now that is priceless
Aimetre 0
why the hell was your niece in the toilet with you??
Attica 20
because in most places these days, you can't let a 5 year old out of your sight
ast3150 13
On your smartphone, there are about 400,000 times as much germs than on such a toilet so who cares?
mmw1088 4
YDI for squatting. I hope you didn't make a mess and leave it there like most people. If everybody knew how to use the toilet properly, public restrooms wouldn't be so damn disgusting.
Zackalack123 1
Clean freak much?
fatderplips 0
Why would they piss their pants in a bathroom? How silly of them...
The_Runaway_Arti 3
From a janitor, squatters make the MOST mess. Not to mention, the cleaners used on a public toilet kill HIV, staph, salmonella, & pretty much anything else you can come into contact with. Commercial grade cleaners mean business.