Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
letitbe56 0
Wow! It sounds like SHE needs some counseling! That is one unhealthy view on masturbation.
blah123blah 0
Maybe it was the shock of seeing her kid masturbating that made her freak out and think it was something he needed counceling for... Maybe she should go into counceling after what she saw...
rightsaidred 3
Maybe you should learn to spell "counseling".
dr_house_MD 0
maybe you should get a life
martymcfly12 0
wow shes weird its kinda normal
_Noon_ 0
Agreed! And **** your sons life for having a mom like that.
Syrathia 0
ummm you should ask her "Like you havn't done it?" and if she says no jump on your chair and yell "LIAR!!!" and pull down your pants and start masturbating right then and there xD
SpitFyre 0
LOLZ Seriously, counseling? Your wife needs to chill out, what an absurd reaction.
xKattAttack 0
I lol'd.
yellowberri 0
i LOL'd too haha man seriously he should have done that
blueknight1st 26
She IS overreacting. Every guy masturbates and if they say they don't than they are lying.
Chfanfiction 0
Why is it so hard to believe that some guys don't? Some of us just don't feel the need, that's all.
SomeonePosting 0
Everyone's needs/wants are different. Masturbation is no exception. Not feeling the need to ********** is just as normal as needing it every day and the same applies for all levels in between. I do it only a few times a month and usually out of boredom rather than overpowering desire. Not [always] wanting/needing to pleasure yourself doesn't make you asexual. And yes, it is entirely possible to think about sex and leave it at that. It's how often that happens that could cause issues(like the infection someone mentioned on a later comment).
bexox 0
No one is asexual, because humans can't reproduce by fission or budding. :)
Dashiell 0
asexuality.org Words can have multiple meanings, darling.
bexox 0
Now you should go see if there's a website for people with no sense of humor.
Chfanfiction 0
I'm not repressing it. I think about sex often. I just don't really hold very much stock in the urge to do so. I think I can go without. I feel fine. There really aren't any adverse effects, and the positive effects are negligible at best. To be honest, I'm all right with that decision and it shouldn't be that big a deal.
Aerius_fml 3
Have you ever masturbated? And why do you think it's gross?
midwestjerk 0
What the **** is wrong with your wife? Jerking off is suddenly something that's deeply wrong? Did some crazy religious-wacko get to her and put that "masturbation is a sin" bullshit in her head?
zee209 0
I think SHE needs counseling. Does she not know that all men **********?! And women too! It's natural...I don't know why she would over react. FYL and your sons life for having to deal with her!
xHaniffax 0
She's gonna send him to counselling for something normal? THAT's gonna make him need counselling
djb23 0
i want to hear girls opinions about this. speak up ladies!
Weil 0
OP's wife is some kind of crazy conservative bitch. That kid might as well kill himself.
monnanon 14
as a woman I agree with what is being said, masturbation is natural and healthy for everyone to do and most people do (if not everyone) and its healthy. Why did the wife freak is what i want to know, kinda need a context to see why she freaked out about it. But still come on lady (OP's wife) lighten up if mastubation is the only reason you can think of to send your kid to counseling then your lucky. I hate to think how she is going to react when she comes up against some real shitty problems.
DameGreyWulf 1
Crazy bitch is crazy.
fretforyerlatte 0
the bitch is nuts. everyone does it at some point or another.
sika_fml 0
I would have to say that if he was sent to counseling, the counselor would tell him he was doing something that was normal. Even counseling from the clergy is headed this way. Oh and by the way, Catholics specifically see masturbation as wrong because those sperm that don't specifically go into a woman...why that's wasting potential offspring. I don't think I have to go into their views on birth control for you to get the picture. In addition, life is not about enjoyment or pleasure, it's about sacrifice and hardship. How else can you show God you love him unless you resist all the wonderful things he's given you? I apologize if I have offended and Catholics.