Today, I went out to dinner with a cute, funny, smart, amazing girl. Or at least I thought she was cute, until she started coughing after her meal. She explained that she coughs after she eats. Can you say dealbreaker? FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML
Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML
Today, I went on a date with an amazing girl. The date was going well, until she started eating. Although her mouth was closed the entire time, she somehow still made the loudest, most disgusting chewing noises I’ve ever heard. I felt bad about dumping her over that, but I just couldn’t continue. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
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Top comments
JuneBleeds4 20
Sounds like she dodged a massive bullet.
Iamthebanzai22 21
THAT is a dealbreaker for you? A mild medical disability? You shallow ****.
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Comments (6)
poopface82 25
If I can get past the love of my life not being a sports fan, you can get past this.
juggalo2 22
Good. More for the rest of us.
Iamthebanzai22 21
THAT is a dealbreaker for you? A mild medical disability? You shallow ****.
jlc82 14
just wait till he finds out she poops and most likely farts as well.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
No, but I can say "petty" and "shallow."
JuneBleeds4 20
Sounds like she dodged a massive bullet.
tiptoppc 21
I cough too. Usually from drainage as some foods can cause my sinuses to start running, but if you are that shallow, I hope whatever partner you get with dumps you for “farting while you are asleep” and dutch ovens you each time you do with your own farts. Stop acting so entitled and think a normal function of a body is a “deal breaker”. Poor girl probably has allergies and you blamed her for something she can’t change. I’m going to also go out on a limb and say you likely also are bothered by the LGBTQ+ community if you literally have an issue of something this small, and if my prayers are answered, you’ll literally be rejected the rest of your life from your small PP size, because hey! It’s a “deal breaker” for them!