Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's place to have a study session. Her dad was on a business trip but her mom was at home. We studied for about two hours, then we started getting frisky and started undressing and soon started fucking. We were about 20 minutes in when her mom came in and chased me out. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML
Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted, "Nice to meet your dad, I hope we didn't look too horny." A few minutes later, he replied, "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML
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Top comments
bigbuttsowhat 0
kill the girlfriend
aback 5
Yeah, well if you're in the US, Father's Day is coming up. You can send him a condom.
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Comments (176)
I2OI3 0
7 is pretty funny, its interesting to see how the other side of the story could be an fml - keep doin' what you're doin man - its funny! (they'll prob never see this though, lol)
magicoilyoctopi 0
Wow, I'm sorry. :( That sucks. Totally agree with #9.
mixedcalibaby 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sucks you didn't get to spend much time with him. Why is his gf slutty tho? That's pretty harsh. When a woman has a bf she tends to have sex with him, that's what people in (good) relationships do. That doesn't make her a ****, hun.
Dimercurio 1
yeah because screwing your girlfriend takes priority over seeing your daughter
SpicyDuck 22
Son.
SadinSherman 16
Maybe she dresses like a ****.
ermkrmr 0
calling somebody "Hun" is not necessary plus wouldn't you be pissed in the situation?!
Sanrio90 8
Your dad's an asshole. I suggest not getting him anything for Father's Day.
TBD3 0
2 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES?! Your dad is a god.
J15237 25
If he truly did last that long I agree with you, but it is bad timing on his part. He should have told his girlfriend no. I mean if he is really that good I am sure the GF would have waited the 3 hours.
stinkybutt 0
you should curse him and his girlfriend out.
I_am_stupid_also 6
#14 - People in (good) relationships take care of their children. ***** ****. The OP doesn't say why she thinks the gf is a ****, but seeing as how her biological father is definitely a ****, she is probably correct.
MCofpwnage 0
holy crap!!! your dad is a playuh
shaubygal 11
or manwhore whichever floats your boat
123Lalala098 10
:P I'm gonna agree with the man ***** more!
courtneyletsgo 0
That is kindof an assy move. I'm sorry, that's terrible. And it kindof does if she takes the guy away from HIS CHILD![: (make her slutty) FYL
kreatureofmagik 0
I clicked the "i agree your life is f**D" but I change my mind. You aren't, he is. What a douchebag! He is a jerk, and I'm sorry.