Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought my water had broken. I'd actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Harri20n 9
Ah kids.
jakers8424 18
Hilarious
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (29)
jakers8424 18
Hilarious
Avi8r 22
Be happy it's just that, before I was born I broke my mom's pelvis because I kicked it so hard.
Harri20n 9
Ah kids.
swag_bear 18
Well try not to wear your best clothes from now on
Hunter_the_Ninja 22
I feel like this is the kind of thing I would have done if I was conscious in the womb.
i_wuz_nver_here 31
IF
Neekovolwf 22
Maybe one day he will be a standup comedian and recount the tales of his days in the womb
danceinconverse 25
Better start wearing extra thick pads...
mswim 27
Or adult diapers.
DocBastard 40
Not to worry - after it's born it'll only get more evil. Exponentially.
tomvertigo 17
First of all - sat name for, hahaha. Im guessing you is your first? The whole passing yourself thing isn't uncommon at all. Still sucks though.
kyu_Q 19
are you sure you're not squirting?
SpyroMello 29
I would think you would know what pissing feels like by that age so I'm pretty sure she really is pissing herself.
bandaidstations 28
Yeah sure, her baby is giving her intense orgasms. Come on!
tomvertigo 17
...I cant even. Why? Pissing yourself is common in pregnancy.
MandieL 27
Depends are a wonderful thing! I know it sounds weird and can make you feel like an incontinent old lady, but they were a life saver in the third semester, and for after the baby is born. They make them now where they really don't look like diapers when you're wearing them. I hope your pregnancy is treating you well otherwise!