Today, I had to listen to my mom telling me my paternal grandmother had to tell he my step-grandfather has a small uncut dick, but big balls. I could've gone my whole life not knowing that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I listened to my grandma monologue about how if my uncle was born first, my mother (and consequently, I) would not exist. I then got to listen to her rant about what a terror he was. Let's just say I learned and heard some things I'd rather have not known. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying, "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML
Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Today, I found out that my great-grandmother was a cougar, seducing men who were barely older than I am now. I did not need to know this information. Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that, "Old people are allowed to tell the truth." FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sdog 6
Who’s telling whom?
RichardPencil 32
I agree. Knowing that about your step-grandfather is useless since he's not in your genes. (Probably not in your jeans, either, unless you're into that.) If your biological grandfather had huge balls, that would be useful. Your offspring might inherit huge balls. What an advantage!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
Sdog 6
Who’s telling whom?
JackWood 21
Man what a Richard move
RichardPencil 32
I agree. Knowing that about your step-grandfather is useless since he's not in your genes. (Probably not in your jeans, either, unless you're into that.) If your biological grandfather had huge balls, that would be useful. Your offspring might inherit huge balls. What an advantage!