Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
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Top comments
lu95 16
Hopefully said patient doesn't read this website! Otherwise, good luck being poor!
GrinchFu1 27
There's no hipaa violation if you didn't mention his name. Hahahaha!!!
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Comments (160)
ceji3 13
Haha. Nice on OP. Sounds like he had himself some fun. If you know what i mean.
thechickenshow 3
Rectum? Damn near killed him!
easyprey 8
A pun well done!
olpally 33
Men in black reference also! :) haha.
JJJJJakkkkeee 6
My mom's a surgeon and the same thing happened to one of her patients. A man came in with a shampoo bottle lodged in his rectum and he had to confess in front of his wife and kids what he was doing when it got stuck.
gmian 34
Hurt the patiend, and lose his job? I don't think so...
jgriff79 23
Of course you had to tell somebody. That way they will put a warning on the bottles. DO NOT SIT ON BOTTLE NAKED.
gmian 34
crap. patient*
puggypark 14
Lol how did he get the bottle up his ass
dmattimeoj 12
...very slowly and carefully. but apparently not carefully enough.
MakeTodayADTR 20
Oh those coca-cola bears, they're turning into quite the pranksters! Right?! Right?
MakeTodayADTR 20
One guy, one jar...
dmattimeoj 12
can't believe he could actually think you would buy that excuse. why even try? he really couldn't make it any less or more embarassing for himself than it already was. would be just as plausable to say he was drinking out of the bottle a couple days ago when something surprised him and he inhaled then swallowed it. you may see him a second time in the ER in a few days when he comes back to get treatment for his sore neck which will have been strained as a result of hanging his head in shame for the next few days. i'm picturing him looking like charlie brown as he slowly trudges forward, eyes glued to the ground, while that sad piano music plays in the background. hopefully he will not have read this website by then OP!
emilyjgraham 34
While I agree that the excuse was daft, sometimes people just use them even if they're unbelievable just to save them telling the truth. He probably knew as soon as he knew to go to hospital that he would use that excuse and that they wouldn't believe him but like I said, they REALLY don't want to tell the truth. :)