Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
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Top comments
lu95 16
Hopefully said patient doesn't read this website! Otherwise, good luck being poor!
GrinchFu1 27
There's no hipaa violation if you didn't mention his name. Hahahaha!!!
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Comments (160)
diiiinkleberg 13
DocBastard?
olpally 33
Nope! Lol. Trust me, he'd be commenting if it was his. Haha.
CharresBarkrey 16
DocBastard usually puts his stories like this in his blog. It's very interesting.
olpally 33
Lol. Sounds like he was trying to recreate "the hangover" movie when he did this. Haha.
KiddoKS 19
If I was a doctor and I encountered situations like this one, I wouldn't be able to resist saying "rip cord!" when removing the object. Guess that's why I'm not a doctor :)
Glitter_taco_ 10
Don't worry we don't know his name!
DocBastard 40
My episode happened several years ago. It's still just as funny now as it was then, and it keeps getting funnier every time I look at the picture.
maximus_prime 24
I'm curious, how does a bottle get removed from there? I'm guessing painfully.
buckdharma 38
#39- Was it a 7-up?
buckdharma 38
Did you consult with Dr. Pepper?
SleepWalken 5
Your profile pic makes this fml way funnier.
dvojplisen 25
#102: You have to drill a hole in the bottle first, so there won't be any vacuum behind it ;)
acrouch 9
Confidentiality is a bitch lol
rugby_lover09 13
So, the guy just happened to have his rectum lubed up and sat on a glass bottle? Right... :P
aeonsoul 12
Doctor patient confidentiality!!! c'mon, OP! Get with the program! :) nevertheless, I had a nice laugh, YLS
perdix 31
"Confidentiality, my ass!"
MzZombicidal 36
Because instead of just hurting him, that could KILL him. Yes, that was a ridiculously stupid thing to do, but no doctor should kill their patient from doing stupid things. They wouldn't have patients anymore!