Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
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Top comments
lu95 16
Hopefully said patient doesn't read this website! Otherwise, good luck being poor!
GrinchFu1 27
There's no hipaa violation if you didn't mention his name. Hahahaha!!!
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Comments (160)
charrmaander 10
Gmian, not every doctor is here to help us. Some may have started with that intention but you'll find a lot of doctors change their opinions of "saving" "helping" people. I'd know, I work with those people.
Huddisher 10
One bottle, one guy, and one doctor.
ulissey_fml 22
You cork teaser!
depressingbunny 6
Ya who cares about doctor patient confidentiality and laws pertaining to doctors
ouimetnick 10
Doc Bastard.... Is that you?
jessejamesc 8
lol. client confidentiality only covers their name. It says nothing about the case impairments, diseases and disabilities!
thegreycat_fml 12
As far as I can tell, as long as the good doc omits information that enables people to find the patient it isn't a violation. Also, part of a doctor-patient confidintiality is that the patient has to be honest- which this guy obviously wasn't.
amifaiyaz 12
This is just precious.
TcheQ 12
I lawled. +1 to you
someguy314159265 15
Don't worry, your secret is safe with all 6 billion of us.