Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
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Top comments
lu95 16
Hopefully said patient doesn't read this website! Otherwise, good luck being poor!
GrinchFu1 27
There's no hipaa violation if you didn't mention his name. Hahahaha!!!
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Comments (160)
kidsgotastinky 11
I'm telling
NurseAbi 10
If someone comes into hospital with something in their rectum, we reserve the right to tell everyone. Whilst maintaining Confidentiality, obviously. That's why we work in the Emergency Department!
CharresBarkrey 16
Edit. Wrong comment. Ignore please.
CharresBarkrey 16
103 - A joke is something funny, but not all funny things are jokes. ;) Like how a square is a rectangle, but not all rectangles are squares.
Shandra78 9
Some people never mature beyond shoving everything they find up their butts...
Luna349 5
YDI for the fact that you put doctor patient confidentiality information on a WEBSITE that goes all over the world.
mr_sarcastic416 29
*Frank Costanza voice* 1 in a million doc.... 1 in a million
thatisfuckedup 6
Props for being a badass about it.
mattrd_fml 31
accidentally sat on it???? LOL
niallo 23
I do believe Doc Bastard has us beat there. Doesn't he have it as his profile pic.